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New "Jennifer's Body" Picture
Thus confirming fears that Megan Fox gives the worst oral sex known to man.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Superman Court Case Gives Me Hope
Wow, I get to write not one, but two Superman articles in less than three days. This is a good week.
And while the first article, found here, delivered some bad news that made me think another Superman movie was hopeless, this one forces me to hold on to whatever shred of possibilities I'm given.
There's been a rather long-running tension between WB, DC Comics, and the heirs of Superman creators Jerry Siegel and Joel Shuster. It's been filled with lawsuits and settlements and all sorts factors I haven't been able to keep track of. One thing I know is for certain: the heirs own the rights to the title "Superboy," since apparently it is distinctly different from "Superman." This means Clark Kent on Smallville can never be called "Superboy," and that WB cannot release the other three seasons of the live action 80s series Superboy, after they got in trouble for releasing the first. (It's becoming a completely forgotten event as well, due to the fact that it can't be shown in reruns either. Essentially, the Siegels and Shusters are strangling it).
Lately there's been a case involving Superman Returns, and who should get paid, and how much. I don't understand all the legal mumbo jumbo, but Variety has reported today that WB has won the case, and won't have to pay any more than they already have (that's essentially the point, evidently there were claims of a nonexistent "Sweetheart deal").
But something else has come out of the case as well. From what I understand, in 2013 the "Superman" title goes back to the heirs. This means WB needs to start a movie by 2011. Now I'm not sure if making this movie keeps the trademark in their possession, but either way they're going to want to make a movie before they lose the licensing. My prediction is, if they DO lose it, they'll buy it right back up. There's no way WB would have every DC character except the biggest one. But they have plenty of time to get a great Superman movie off the ground.
Everything I've heard about this makes me think less of the heirs of the creators of my favorite hero. It seems they're trying to exploit him and use it for personal gain more than either of the big companies attached to his name are. They hold him back when they could allow his promotion, putting him in the popular limelight he deserves. Siegel and Shuster never did it for money, they gave us a meaningful icon who has meant a lot to a lot of people. He has become more than a license or a trademark, and while I'm sure both WB and the heirs treat it as such, at least WB wants to make it well known. They've made various animated series, movies, and cartoons on the character, and the heirs have the gall to call it "exploitation." I'm just not okay with that.
And it has crossed my mind that perhaps WB waited for Routh's contract to expire so they could start fresh. And while I liked Routh a lot, if that was their plan, perhaps they'll get to work.
I can dream.
Author's note: I'm having some difficulties with the programming here, so there might be some oddities at the site until I figure it out.
Hilarious Sacha Baron Cohen Interview
Sacha Baron Cohne's new film Bruno comes out tonight at midnight. Slashfilm has posted a hilarious interview of him (as himself) with David Letterman. Watch all twelve minutes, it's hilarious.
"Funny People" Red Band Trailer
God bless the internet.
Remember when, for R-rated comedies, we had to watch an edited, super-lame attempt at them showing humor, all the while only hinting at the cursing, nudity, and disgusting antics that were contained in the movie? Well those were the "green band" trailers, those watered-down puny attempts that the MPAA deemed acceptable. God I hated them!
Okay, not really. But the internet has become a valuable tool for movies like these, where they can do the unofficial "Red-band" trailers and release them on the web, and the hippies at the MPAA can't get their filthy paws on it. I've posted a few on this site, and here's another. It's the Red-band trailer for the new Judd Apatow comedy, Funny People, starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen.
I laughed, though that trailer didn't really tell me anything about the movies plot, save that it's about two comedians. But the 'cleaner' version tells me Adam Sandler's character is diagnosed with a malignant cancer and isn't given much time left. That makes it sound a little more serious, doesn't it?
Appatow has redefined comedy in many ways, taking serious situations and putting laughs to them. For this film he called it his attempts to do one that was "twice as serious," but still "twice as funny. Wish me luck!"
It's a bold move, and I bet it pays off.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A Summary Of Some More Spectacularly Bad Ideas
Mortal Kombat 3
One of the very first posts I wrote for this site was this, a look at some video games that might spawn movies that aren't complete wastes of neural processes. You know what wasn't on that list? A continuation of the Mortal Kombat series. How they thought they could make a successful franchise off of a largely plot-less fighting game is beyond me. The second movie, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is largely regarded to be one of the worst films ever made.
Right now, slashfilm is reporting that Chris Casamessa is geared up to reprise his role of Scorpian in the first two films, and that filming starts this September. Take this quote, add the fact that a lawsuit involving the intellectual property of the franchise was settled recently, and we have the suspicion that it just might get underway.
Excuse me if I'm not jumping for joy, I'm too busy writhing in agony at the prospect of this getting a green light.
View-Master: The Movie
It just never ends. Stretch Armstrong, Monopoly, Candyland, and many other toys and games are rumored to have films based on them in the predevelopmental stage. And now, coming soon, View-Master: The Movie. I think those behind the scenes believe Transformers worked, a movie based on toys, therefore, ALL TOYS EVER MADE CAN BE MADE INTO MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR MOVIES!!!! Quick! Get me a script for Lincoln Logs!
I don't know exactly what they expect to do with this movie. Supposedly it's about the creation of the View-Master, first as a tool for the poor to see 3D images of other places, and then as a toy. Sounds like an exciting, popcorn film to me.
Expect it to be shot in 3D, otherwise, what's the fucking point?
Major League 4: Charlie Won't Be In This One, Either
This image used without the expressed or written consent of Major League BaseballThe first two Major League movies are classical, hysterical, sports comedies. Major League 3: Back to the Minors is as bad as the title implies. Now they're making a fourth, which smells like a direct-to-DVD release to me.
Baywatch: The Movie
I say this is a bad idea, but once I realized what it would be, I think I'm going to have to switch this into the 'genius' category. For starters, there's rumors it's going to be a comedy rather than a completely poorly acted melodrama. So Beach Comedy + Beautiful People In Bathing Suits + Familiar Characters + David Hasselhoff Cameo = Great Movie. It's simple math.
Sci-Fi Channel Changes It's Name
What is it now? SyFy. Evidently they thought Sci-fi was too geeky and was pushing away audiences. I don't know what they were expecting by making it geeky AND gay.
Read more...
People Who Need To Come Back From The Grave
The Angel of Death has been hovering close to the rich and famous lately, taking from us (naturally and unnaturally) some beloved entertainers. The film industry has had its share of tragedies. People were shocked when they realized Superman actor Christopher Reeves had been paralyzed, horrified by fate's evil sense of ironic humor. James Dean was one of Hollywood's first Bad Boys, and was killed in a plane crash. I couldn't leave my room for days after Anna Nicole Smith died. Not because I was particularly upset, but because her face was omnipresent on the news stations, as if all people gave a shit about was this dead porn star (never mind that whole "war" thing). But here's a list of people tied to the film industry who really need to come back and continue right where they left off.
1. Don LaFontaine, 1940-2008
In a world where Don LaFontaine is no longer around to lend us his deep, rumbling voice to use in movie trailers and TV spots, some other poor substitute has to step in, and disaster strikes at every turn.
Morgan Freeman might be known to have a pretty spectacular voice, but even he can't hold a candle to this guy. This was the voice you heard in almost every movie trailer since 1976. He became notorious for setting up the movie's premise with the phrase, "In a world where," a cliche which became attached to his name. He earned himself the nickname "The Voice of God," as well as the less flattering, slightly homoerotic, "Thunder Throat."
LaFontaine went to the hospital on August 22, 2008 in critical condition. He died on September 1, due to a blood clot in his lung. In the years to come, we'll no doubt hear countless people attempt to replicate his talents, but I think we're going to have to face the music: there's only one Thunder Throat.
2. Heath Ledger, 1979-2008
You knew this one was coming, didn't you? In January of last ye
ar, our world was rocked when we learned Heath Ledger, the Australian actor with rugged good looks, had died. He had earned much acclaim in his career, particularly for his performance in the groundbreaking Brokeback Mountain. When he was cast as The Joker in The Dark Knight, people were wary of a gay cowboy taking on such an iconic role. But at the time of his death, there was already buzz about how outstanding his performance really was.
And indeed, it won him a posthumous Oscar at the 2009 Academy Awards, and bolstered The Dark Knight past the one billion dollar mark. We can debate all we want, whether his death affected the award's outcome and people's reaction to the character, or if the movie would have made that much money had he not died. But what is clear is he showed some real acting chops and gave us a villain on par with the greatest in cinema history. No doubt he would have made a return in some form, instead he is immortalized as The Joker people will be required to, but terrified of, imitating.
3. Chris Farley, 1964-1997
Chris Farley was one of the leading comedians of the 80s and 90s, starting with a successful career as a regular on Saturday Night Live. After that, he went on to have starring roles in some hit comedies, as well as some fantastic scene stealing cameos (Billy Madison, anybody?) Tommy Boy holds a special place in my heart, a movie that is deeper and more moving than it first seems, and is one of my favorite comedies. He and costar David Spade reunited a year later to do Black Sheep, which was not quite up to scratch, but still had its moments. It also has the honor of being the only film movie critic Gene Siskell ever walked out on.
Farley had one shtick: being a fat buffoon. Generally he played the overweight nobody who has to do something extraordinary, while David Spade made sarcastic remarks at his expense. But it was a funny gag, for sure, despite film critic's immense distaste for his comedy (the best reviewed was Tommy Boy, sitting at 44% on Rotten Tomatoes).
His last film, Almost Heroes, was interrupted due to his stint in rehab. He completed the film, but died of a drug overdose before its release. I actually enjoy this completely underrated movie, as ludicrous as it is, and think he and costar Matthew Perry worked well together. Though he was scheduled to star in a historical biopic of Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle and had already started work recording his voice for the lead role in Shrek, this and a funny cameo in the film Dirty Work would be his last hurrahs.
4. Richard Harris, 1930-2002
Few careers are as accomplished as Richard Harris's. For a look at his complete filmography 
check wikipedia and set aside a few hours to read the list. But I am most familiar with Harris in his later roles, Priest in The Count of Monte Cristo, Marcus Aurelius in Gladiator, and of course Dumbledore in the first two Harry Potter films. Much like the late Alec Guiness, who will be remembered most for his role as Obi-Wan Kenobi (a fact he resented) it will likely be Harris's forray into a pop culture icon that he will be remembered as, for better or worse.
But I'll be damned if he didn't play that character perfectly. He was such a kind, warm, grandfather of a figure, it suited him perfectly to play the wise old wizard (and it was, in fact, his granddaughter that convinced him to). It was tragic news, when he died two weeks before the second film's premier. Who could possibly replace him? Nobody would ever be as good.
Now, Michael Gambon has done a fine job, especially after he made me think Dumbledore was a pedophile in Prisoner of Azkaban. He definitely highlights the quirkiness and oddities of the character more than Harris did, and he's gotten better with each passing movie (and it would have been difficult to make Harris do the action scenes needed in these last few movies, then again, that's why we have CGI). I'm looking to this Dumbledore-heavy sixth film to see Gambon fully embrace the role, and I bet he does it very well, but I will always wonder what it would have been like if Harris hadn't passed two-sevenths of the way through the series. He acted the role so perfectly, gave wisdom so strongly, emanated the love Dumbledore embodied so forcefully, I can't help but get chills at the thought of what these last two movies would have been like with his presence.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Trailers Guaranteed To Surprise You
If I were to tell you that there was a movie called Big Fan, about an obsessed New York Giants fan who worked in a parking garage toll booth, starring comedian Patton Oswalt and written and directed by Robert Siegel, who once wrote for the humor site the onion, what would you assume? Funny comedy right?
Well, what if I told you Siegel also wrote the screenplay for the acclaimed film The Wrestler? This new movie seems to be more in that vein. When I first heard about Big Fan in January, as it was getting rave reviews at Sundance, I thought it was a humorous outing as well. But a little reading told me wrong. Now we have a trailer for the film's wide release, which will be this August.
Damn, that's bleak.
Then there's the new horror film Jennifer's Body, starring Megan Fox's Breasts, costarring Amanda Seyfried, Adam Brody, and Megan Fox. Evidently Megan Fox and Her Breasts star as Jennifer, a typical, popular, fantastically gorgeous high-school bitch; except she has some demon inside her that gives her an insatiable taste for human flesh (and makes her tongue fireproof).
The trailer shows it to be almost a comedy, more like Drag Me To Hell than perhaps I would have expected. But then you have Megan Fox saying "I go both ways," and suddenly this becomes Skinemax. Surprised? On so many levels.
Here's the Red Band trailer here (probably not safe for work, both because the trailer is violent, and most offices frown upon Megan Fox induced erections):
This Week In Blockbusters: "Bruno," "I Love You Hayden Pa-" Errr... "Beth Cooper"
Is there nothing better than watching some idiot's life get ruined as he spews intense bigotry and hatred towards a completely fictional character, gets caught on camera, and shown to audiences around the world? I declare to you that there is not. Somehow I take great solace in knowing that those frat stars from the Winnebago in Borat will never be able to go anywhere without somebody saying, "Hey, look, it's those fucktards." They can't look at a woman now without getting a glare of revulsion, and any dreams of 'pussy chasing,' and perhaps, a 'future in politics' got crotch kicked by a Jew acting like an antisemitic Kazakhi reporter. Now, in Sacha Baron Cohen's follow-up film, we're introduced to a flambuoyantly homosexual Austrian fashion reporter named Bruno, as he trounces through America, makes people wildly uncomfortable by being completely socially inept, and lures hate speech from the ignorant; using himself as the perfect bait.
Early reviews are positive, many saying it's funnier, filthier, and more controversial than Borat. Excellent, just what I wanted. There's already been an uproar from the gay community dubbing the character as 'offensive.' I'd like to point out the hypocrisy here, since I know they weren't complaining at all when he was portraying Kazakhstan as a shit-hole of a country, and it's citizens as ignorant, backwards inbreds. Not only that, but the whole point of Bruno the character is to be pro-gay, and show some of the prejudice they come up against. Yeah he's exaggerated, and yes he's flabbergasting, but it's all in good fun. Though I think if you're a sensitive soul, you're probably guaranteed to be offended by this film. You're also a tight ass, so get over it.
There was a scene that featured some light jabs at Michael Jackson, but when he died (did you hear about it?) they rushed to get it edited out of the movie. Hopefully it will be in the deleted scenes.
One problem I have with this movie and its predecessor is the audience's desire to extrapolate the views of those in the film to the masses. I caution against this; Cohen searches out the most bigoted and foolish and exploits them. And when they aren't terrible people, Cohen pushes them until they appear to be so. For instance, in the rodeo scene in Borat, we're supposed to laugh at the people booing him, assuming it's racial intolerance and a redneck, hick-ish, conservative thing to do. But is it really unreasonable to boo somebody who does what he did to the National Anthem? Or at the dinner party, his hosts showed levels of extreme toleration, even when he brought his bag full of dookie to the table. But he continued to push until they appeared to be mean, white, racists. It's an hilarious tactic, and I'm not saying we shouldn't enjoy the comedy, but I don't want this to be seen as a looking glass into the American soul.
Look forward to a scene involving then-presidential candidate Ron Paul, a scene where a very famous person immediately recognizes Cohen, and some extended shots of full-frontal male nudity.
And then wait for the DVD when we get to see the star get escorted out of a huge crowd, because somebody picked up on his antics.
All in all, Bruno sounds like an hysterically, satirically, disgustingly funny movie. Expect it to pass The Hangover as top-grossing comedy of the summer.
Excitement Buzz: 8.9/10
And the tamer, PG-13 competitor of the weekend is the teen comedy I Love You, Beth Cooper, starring Heroes poster girl Hayden Pannettiere and costarring some guy who doesn't matter (for the record, his name is Paul Rust, and he actually looks like he might be pretty funny). In this high-school rom-com, Denis Cooverman (Rust) proclaims his love for his hot, popular classmate Beth Cooper (Pannettiere) during his valedictorian speech. She decides to show him a good time (and a little bit more... Look forward to the shower scene, though remember it's still PG-13, and cry as you want the camera to pan just...a few...inches...south), all the while being chased by her older, meaner boyfriend.
I'm fairly certain Pannettierre has yet to not play a cheerleader, and her looks are definitely her strongest suit, but she's still a fine enough actress for something like this. I'm not sure how she acts off screen (read: Lindsay Lohan), but she plays the hot, sassy girl like a pro. I wonder how she learned.
So is it box office suicide putting this movie up against Bruno, or is it brilliant? Expect highly inflated numbers, as every teen under seventeen buys tickets for this to sneak into the rated R movie (many people think Wild Wild West stole a lot of revenue from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut) And after they've seen that, they might actually come back for this film as well. Double the ticket purchases, baby, money in Hayden's pocket. She'll use it to call me long distance, I'm sure.
Excitement buzz: 6.5/10
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